is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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