Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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