when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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