the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
