He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
