I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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