Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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