Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize