so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
