I cockslap morals
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
