Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
