So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
