Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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