I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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