Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
