I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize