On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
