before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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