Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize