about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize