that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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