I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
