I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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