I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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