I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize