I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
