He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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