If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize