All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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