shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
