***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
