you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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