I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
