guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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