i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
