hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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