she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
