i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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