can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
