and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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