I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
