So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
