I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
