Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
