Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
