bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can text with my tongue
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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