I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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