the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
