the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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