I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
