I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
