OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
