he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
