found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
