and you said cock pushups were impossible
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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