I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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