why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
