Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize