I'm jealous of your bromance
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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