Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How external is "for external use only"?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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