we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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