The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
