ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
