foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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