Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize