I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
