she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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